May 8, 2021
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Vanilla Ice, Tone Loc, Rob Base, Young MC, Shock G, more!

Jared's Epic Party

Southside Ballroom in Dallas, Texas

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I’m a 33 year-old guy, meaning my childhood was in the late 80’s, and early 90’s.  My favorite things to play with were GI Joes, He-Man, Matchbox cars, and of course the Ninja turtles.  Fast forward to November of last year.  A homie of mine told me about a party that was being planned for the following February that featured Vanilla Ice as the headliner, with a plethora of features that were like a wet dream to 30-somethings.  I heard that it was going to cost $50.00 a ticket, and kind of shrugged it off.  I have seen Vanilla Ice more than a handful of times locally for $15-20 a ticket.  Still, that was in the early planning stages of the party.

Moving ahead another month or so, and the list of features to the party had grown.  Now, they were touting the Ninja TurtlesCoolio, a HUGE arcade area full of vintage games, and more!  I decided to reach out to Jared Guynes, who is the coordinator of what came to be known as “Jared’s Epic Party”.  I told him about this site, Vanilla Ice’s affiliation with Psychopathic Records and Juggalos, and wanted to see about getting some press coverage for the event in exchange for advertising for it.  He immediately agreed, and we posted about it to get the word out to Dallas-area Juggalos.

The unique part of this show is that it was crowd funded, meaning if Jared didn’t reach the goal of $35,000 to pay for the party, then it wouldn’t happen, and nobody would be charged.  Not even a week after we posted about it, the goal had been met!  I don’t take credit for that, but it sure didn’t hurt to have Juggalos supporting it!

After the party was funded, Jared continued to sell tickets to it until their preset date to reach their goal.  Ticket sales were through the roof, and before everything was said and done, Jared had more than DOUBLED the original tilt amount, reaching over $72,000!  This included regular tickets that went for $50, and VIP tickets going for $100 each. The party was to be limited to around 1,000 people so it wouldn’t be uncomfortably crowded.  He said that every penny would be put into the party, and still had well over 2 months to get everything planned! Things were looking GREAT for the party!

For several weeks leading up to it, more and more acts and features were being announced.  Coolio had to drop out, but Young MC and Rob Base were both added among many others.  One of the cool things that I thought the organizers did was to reward those who hopped on to support the party early with the low-cost $50 tickets.  They then jumped to $55, then $75, and eventually topped out at $100 each.  I wasn’t too crazy about the fact that they releases another 200+ tickets shortly before the party was supposed to happen, but being that the venue can hold 5,000 plus, 1,200 shouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Let’s skip ahead to the day of the show!  I had convinced quite a few of my friends that this was going to be a can’t-miss party!  Another couple and I went in on a $50.00 lot of Nerf Guns that we found at a local garage sale site.  Needless to say, I think we got our money’s worth:

nerf-guns

Click the pic to enlarge!

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Click the pic to enlarge!

Me, my wife Amanda, and our friends Trey and Lisa loaded into the car with our giant box of Nerf guns and set out towards the Southside Ballroom at about 6:00 PM.  On the way, I drove with Trey in the passenger seat listening to 90s gangsta rap while the ladies were in the back loading up our extra clips…in a Hyundai Santa Fe.  OG.

We got to Jared’s Epic Party right at 6:30 and started towards the line.  It was wrapped around the building already, but luckily, as with any local show, we saw a bunch of people that we knew halfway into our walk.  So we stopped to talk to them, and ended up just squeezing in with them for the rest of the time.  Outside, a DJ was performing on the Red Bull MXT truck, and there was one lonely guy standing beside it dancing the ENTIRE time.  7:00 PM came and went, and there were no signs of the line moving.  By about 7:30 PM, everybody started to get anxious.  At around that time, Jared posted that Vanilla Ice‘s sound check went on for WAY too long, and that was the reason for the delay.  At least we knew there was SOMETHING going on inside the venue.  We probably had a group of 10 friends around that we were mingling with, so it didn’t seem like all that long.

By 8:00 PM, it was about to reach the ridiculousness point.  At this point those who had purchased VIP passes were able to skip the line and go inside.  We were on will-call, so we waited, and waited, and waited some more.  Finally, by about 8:30, we were inside and all was good!  Unfortunately, the Graceland Ninjaz were already onstage and nearly finished with their set, and the group Partners in Kryme had already performed (or so I was told).  After waiting on everyone to take a pee break and get their $11.00 beers, we decided it was time to wander around and see what all this party had to offer!

We first came across the Ninja Turtles and their Turtle Van.  We got into the short line got a few pics snapped:

We walked past the bar at the main stage area of the Southside Ballroom and went into the next room.  There, the Delorean from Back to the Future greeted us, along with Claudia Wells (aka Jennifer Parker from the first BTTF movie).  Claudia couldn’t have been a nicer person!  Our friend’s daughter was celebrating her 15th birthday that night, and Claudia stopped everything and sang “Happy Birthday” to her in its entirety!  Back to this room…there were pinball machines, arcade games, a giant “Jared’s Epic Party” banner setup for photo ops, and more!  Scan the room a little further, and there was the RoboCop Ford Taurus, along with RoboCop himself!  The actor inside had the robotic nuances down and everything!

Adjacent to this room was the VIP Lounge, where there were supposed to be several perks for those who purchased the pricey upgrade including all-you-can-eat pizza, free beer, exclusive arcade games, first dibs at meet & greet guests, and more.  Jared gave me press access to the show which included VIP.  I went in there, snapped a couple of pics, and pretty quickly exited.  It was a cool looking room, but the exclusive bar had the same pricing as those who had General Admission tickets, and other than a few games, I didn’t see anything that warranted doubling the ticket price.  Overall, the lack of features for VIP patrons seemed to be the biggest gripe that anyone had.

It was nearing 9 o’clock, and the line for pizza didn’t seem to be getting any shorter!  In fact, the pizzas seemed to be quickly vanishing so we jumped in line, grabbed a plate from Jared himself (who asked that we only grab one piece each), and BARELY made it through while getting a slice from the last pie on the table. Prior to this, I saw people walking around with full boxes of it, so thank you for being “that guy”, asshole.

Note to Jared: If the “Epic Party 2” happens, I suggest that you hand out 2 tickets to anyone who paid for entry to make it fair.  This is a small gripe, but I think everyone will find it far more accommodating.

On to the next room!  This area was probably the busiest room of the night! There were arcade games EVERYWHERE, the Nintendo battle area, a bouncy boxing ring, a sumo wrestling ring, a small stage with a DJ and half-naked girls running around, and…did I mention the arcade games? The Carrera slot cars were set up in this room as well, but every time I passed that area, I never saw them working. So that was a shame. It still didn’t take away from the epicness of this room!

Oh yeah, my friend Tracy and I got into the boxing ring to blow off a little steam:

[youtube width=”560″ height=”344″]http://youtu.be/6-G7mx2QZUs[/youtube]

After spending a while in that room just absorbing it all, we decided to head back out to the main stage area where Rob Base was already performing!  We got to see his flagship song, “It Takes Two”, along with “Joy and Pain”, and a few others.

Oh yeah, did I mention that we were already a few hours into the party and we were STILL carrying around our Nerf guns?  That got old pretty quickly.  Fortunately, right after Rob Base left the stage, it was announced that the Guinness World Record setting Nerf battle was about to take place!  This was actually the event I was most looking forward to!  I had the GoPro strapped to my head, a Nerf disc gun with about 50 rounds, and a little single-shot pistol gun with about 10 rounds in my pocket.  For the world record to be set, the battle had to go on for 5 minutes!  So that told me that there were going to be SEVERAL opportunities to reload!  The room was split in half, the countdown started, everybody loaded up, and it was ON!  Darts and discs flew EVERYWHERE! Mine was out in no more than 30 seconds, and it was off to the floor to try to find enough to reload!  By about the 4 minute mark, most people were on the ground loading up beer-soaked darts to put back into their guns, but we ALL made it through to the 5 minute mark and officially broke the world record!!

The one crazy cool part about this is that if you weren’t a dickhead, you could leave your Nerf gun in one of several bins located in the area that the battle just took place, and they would be given to a children’s charity.  That’s truly commendable.

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Click the pic to enlarge!

After the Nerf battle, my wife and I went to make the rounds again, take some more pictures, and just absorb the epicness!  I found out from a friend when I got back that we missed Young MC.  That sucks.  You would think that you could hear the main stage from any of the other rooms that you were in, but that wasn’t the case.  Maybe at the next party, they could use some of the monitors throughout the building to announce upcoming acts, or even put a video feed into the other rooms so you know what’s going on with the main stage.  That, or a printed schedule would have been helpful.

One person I haven’t mentioned yet is DJ Babychino who was DJing the entire night between sets!  That kid has some serious skills!  Kid? That’s no lie.  He’s only 11 years old!

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DJ Babychino

Tone Loc hit the stage next and he really surprised me at how into the performance he was! He played his hits like Funky Cold Medina” and “Wild Thing” and killed it! I think by this point most people there were a little tipsy, because I’m not sure if I’d call what they were doing “dancing”.

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“Dancing”

Shock G came on shortly after Tone Loc did, and he schooled it too!  I know, you think Digital Underground, and you think all they have is “The Humpty Hump”.  He also surprised us with a cover version of Snoop Dogg‘s “Gin and Juice”!  That had the entire (mostly white) crowd pulling one of these:

[youtube width=”560″ height=”344″]http://youtu.be/GKlDBi0cyIA[/youtube]

We were all having a hell of a good time!  Next up was the headliner of the night: Vanilla Ice!  Now as I said when I started this review, I have seen him several times locally, and even more at the Gathering of the Juggalos.  Minus the addition of the Ninja Turtles to his set, I pretty much knew what to expect.  Ice was introduced, he got on stage, and he fuckin’ DELIVERED!  His DJ was spinning, he had clowns all over the stage, and bottles of water were flying everywhere! He was even drop-kicking them into the audience (a-la ICP) who I’m sure were mostly shocked by it. The one thing that did surprise me is that Vanilla Ice did a cover version of ICP‘s “Southwest Voodoo”!  You can see that here:

[youtube width=”560″ height=”344″]http://youtu.be/qZZH_zjvsv8[/youtube]

I saw a few people post on the official FB event page for this event that Vanilla Ice was a dick, and being disrespectful for throwing water all over the audience like that.  Wow.  Please don’t ever come to an ICP show.  Thanks.

Check out a few of his other tracks he did live here:

[youtube width=”560″ height=”344″]http://youtu.be/JZpbFLXExcw[/youtube]

[youtube width=”560″ height=”344″]http://youtu.be/2GuBaVLvSEo[/youtube]

Vanilla Ice‘s performance was a hell of a great way to end the night!  It was getting close to 2 AM, so I knew they were about to start kicking everybody out.  I made my rounds and found everybody that was still there to say goodbye.  As we were making our way towards the exit we saw a crowd of people by Vanilla Ice on stage.  He was taking pictures and signing things for everyone (which was one of the things that everybody was promised when we bought tickets for the party).  Just a few minutes later though, the venue’s security started asking people to leave, and threatening to call the cops if we didn’t.  I guess my wife and I were close enough to the front of the line to not get hassled too much.  We stuck around for an extra half hour just to get a pic:

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This picture needs no caption

And besides a disgruntled couple who rode with us waiting outside for an inordinate amount of time (which they filled by drawing penises on our dirty car), that was the end of the party!

All in all, the four of us had an unbelievably awesome time!  Did it suck to have to wait for hours in a line outside?  Yes.  Did we receive all 60+ things that were supposed to be at this party?  No.  Was it a night that I’ll never forget?  ABSOLUTELY!

Because I know some of you won’t read all of this, I came up with a list of pros and cons for the party:

Pros:

  • Very nostalgic for 30-somethings!
  • Ninja Turtles!
  • Extremely large venue made it comfortable for all who attended
  • Great mixture of comic con, concert, and arcade
  • B-level celebrities galore!
  • Free Pizza (if you were quick enough)
  • World record setting Nerf gun war!
  • All Nerf guns donated to children’s hospital
  • Photo ops with RoboCop, Ninja Turtles (including Casey Jones & April O’Neal, Claudia Wells (from Back to the Future), the Delorian, the Ninja Turtles van, the Ecto Cruiser, Burton Gilliam (of Blazing Saddles), Shredder, Bane, Baraka (Mortal Kombat), Vanilla Ice, the Power Rangers, and even a guy in a bacon suit!
  • Concert performances from Rob Base, Vanilla Ice, Tone Loc, Young MC, were a 90s kid’s wet dream!
  • DJ Babychino
  • TONS of free arcade games
  • Bouncy boxing
  • Sumo wrestling
  • Cosplay characters
  • Free Beef Jerky!

Cons:

  • Extremely late start (scheduled for 7, got in at 8 or later)
  • Missed a couple of the opening acts (including Partners in Kryme and Graceland Ninjaz) due to late start
  • VIP was a letdown
  • No set schedule of events made attendees miss some features
  • Some of the features promised never happened (slow-mo movie)
  • Had to carry Nerf guns around for hours due to late start
  • High priced drinks ($11 beer and $4 bottled water)
  • Bathroom attendants (seriously, does ANYONE like when they walk into the bathroom and see them hovering over the sink?)

Overall, I give this epic night a 4 out of 5.  A little more organization and this would have been perfect!  Well done Jared Guynes and Brandon Noll, well done!

We have a full photo gallery with nearly 200 pictures that you can see here:

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Click the pic to view our EPIC photo gallery!

And finally, I put together a small video montage of most of the artists who performed that night which you can see here:

[youtube width=”560″ height=”344″]http://youtu.be/Myfo0NygQlI[/youtube]

Location:

  • Southside Ballroom
  • Texas
  • United States

Guests:

  • Graceland Ninjas, DJ Babychino, Partners in Kryme, Kevin Eastman, Ernie Reyes Jr., Power Rangers, Shredder, Big Al Mack, Claudia Wells, TONS more!

Websites:

Reviewer:

Review Date:

  • 02/22/2014

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