It's easier to just keep feeding them morphine till they go.

Gonna go a bit sideways here with true things that's happened over the last month.

IMO, The real stuff is way more funny than a scripted joke. So I'll add 2 short stories.

I hope reading these there is some laughter and they dont turn into a 'you had to have been there' stories.

Record store day at Psychopathic I text a few friends and asked if they wanted to come along. I got a couple 'no's' till I got a 'yes' from Bonesaw Wizardstick and a buddy at work, Brian. Brian is a HEAVY drinker. Great guy, but a heavy drinker. Almost got us kicked out of The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, heavy. He wanted to touch all of the exhibits, and couldn't stop even after being told three times to stop. His version of the story tells people that 'what kind of museum doesn't allow you to touch things?' I shake my head and laugh. Brian asked if his friend Glenn could come along too, I said yes. So Record Store Day we all pile in the car. Brian came prepared for a 8 hour drive and brought his own bag of goodies consisting of a few beers and a couple mini shot bottles to tide him over. Once we hit the Michigan line we had to stop for a large bottle of Jack. Psychopathic Headquarters went well. Rock of Ages went well. Then we decided to head home and look for a place to grab dinner. We decided on Chilis where Brian told them all how he was embarrassed about going to the video store and asking the cute desk clerk about Caligula on my recommendation. The girl said they had it but it was in 'the back room' where she led him to find the video cassette. Another was Pink Flamingos, the store didnt have it but they could order it. So he did just that. He watched it by himself at first, then brought it to my house and we watched it, then with another friend of his. Never realizing the main actress was a man in drag until one of his other friends told him. I asked him how many times he jerked off to the movie before he found out she was a he. His reply, rolling off the tongue like second nature was 'D, I'd rather jerk off to linoleum'. I almost peed myself from laughing at the ease those words came out of his mouth. Hysterical! Yesterday I finally went and seen his house and used his bathroom. Yup, lenoleum. I sent this picture to Wizardstick and we laughed. Not as hard as the first time, but enough to mention.

Story 2:

Yesterday was our company Christmas party. Large set up. Many hot dishes, desserts and appetizers. This year the deserts table had between 7 and 12 large cakes with an even larger array of toppings. I'm not a cake/sweets person so I opt out of the desserts table. I did sit back and watch everyone else enjoy their tasty sweets. Phil, fucking Phil says the one cake was so rich that it should have come with an insulin shot, I laughed. At which point he added that he's thinking of getting a 'preventative diabetic leg amputation'. Again the way that words flow like second nature is hysterical. The Mrs looked at me like I was retarded as i sat there laughing with tears forming in the corner of my eyes. Funny funny stuff.

DETHFAM 2

Me: Why did Sally fall off the swing?

You: Why?

Me: Because she has no arms.

Me: Knock. Knock.

You: Who's there?

Me: Not Sally.

YouTube Video Harry Potter "You're A Faggot"