SPOOKYtheFUNGI said
First off let's give this thread a theme song...

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Last time I cried?

Well i did spend 2019 in hell and developed a disorder I thought was complete bullshit, panic attacks, so quite a bit of 2019 had its moments...and the worst was the last few months since mid October, I cried daily.  I averaged 2 hours a night of sleep, weed wasnt doing shit for me so I drank hard.  Now my life is completely upside down and the only thing that isn't drastically different is my "task" at work.  The last three months were a waking nightmare, I only felt sadness and anger, nothing else mentally or physically...its like I completely gave up and started to deteriorate, I lost 40 pounds in a month and a half, lost feelings in extremities..everyday I felt like the song falling apart on tmdp... everything was just different shades of grey shadowy and watery, kinda like that movie shrooms when ever someone is about to die.  I would go and put myself into situations to try to be happy like enjoy nature, travel outta state, eat at new places, but nothing would bring a smile to my face...I even changed alot of my daily bad habits, but still shit would only get worse...the only thing that helped was getting lost in the music

Reveal Spoiler

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I was able to take some of this negativity and make some positive changes in my life, I now live in a house instead of apartment, I have a vehicle, im the boss at work, I was able to quit drinking monster energy drinks(I drank atleast 3 green 16 oz. Cans a day by lunch time) and most importantly I was able to quit them damn dirt sticks cigarettes!  For some reason ever since the 2nd of this month my tears have been of joy and happiness.  I prolly cry tears.of joy daily, a true result of changing things in your life, even if you dont know what the end result is gonna be just do it...like violent j said at the 2016 seminar, just take a negative of yours and do something about it, #17in gnome sayin?

And now here I am....the last 2 weeks have been really great, I see color in everything vividly, I can get high off weed again and I can feel while I'm fucking again, life is really good sitting on cloud 17, which is where my journey should end, on a high note, with the vision of a satellite...fuck being cliche and ending on a low...that's exactly what "they" would want, especially since the movies out at that time was IT 2 and the joker.  I'm a juggalo and imma die proud of myself!

I'd like to thank everyone who I have interacted with, positively or negatively, yall helped me in more ways than you could ever know, thank you.  And a huge thank you to the insane clown posse, they are true masters of the craft and affected me the most in this plane of existence. Thank you vj and s2d for continously providing the "outcast" with amazing lifetime memories, yall changed more lives than tobacco and alcohol combined, yall are the antidrug and if anyone is to ever ask what the opposite of Hitler was/is, the answer better be ICP!...and btw, yall skooled the fuck outta putting clues out there for the 2nd 5th jokers card...ninjas are gonna be dancing in diamond rain once again once the next card comes out and ninjas go back to fred...or should I say the beginning of fred?  Yall are fucking geniuses and totally out did yourselves this time around!  Thank you for giving soooooo much to those who have soooooo little.

 

And here is one final 💎💎💎💎💎💎Fresh🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃Flava🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄Friday

This little diddy brought me some smiles during my darkest hours, hopefully it will help you smile like it did me!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1du-Gl4UmqU&app=desktop

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U made me cry...

tbh I never read long post anymore. And I did. I’ve been feeling just very much the same way since July....the water.. the energy drinks fuckin the weed...I dunno a lot of what u said sounded just like me :/ And I’m sorry u felt like that and I’m really fuckin happy u feel better. I send good energy to the rock every and then. I just did. My life is completely different. I don’t know what my link is anymore but I know I’ll find it. Not trying to get attention. Just wanted to talk to you and since u said it out loud well me too. The only thing that keeps me going is like just my fuckin hard headed drilled into me fuckin second nature notion of SURVIVAL.... no matter what I have to do....

u ever seen a dog get hit by a car?? Sometimes they don’t know they done but that instinct still kicks in and they get up and dart... like they’re body is in autopilot and they gave that last try with everything they got...

you ever seen That old ass anime about The bomb dropped on Japan? It shows like the after affects on ground zero. There’s these ppl who had they mouth open to the sky just waiting for some rain. When they got a little they would fall over and die. The only thing keeping them alive was their fight. The dog and the ppl waiting for water man...

Tmml and Fred have really helped me. Don’t give up.

Wicked clowns really don’t die. FITE BACK

I had 2 dogs Sonny a pure bread English bulldog and Samson the English mastiff I had them both at the same time but one day I forgot to close the front door and Sonny disappeared he was a sweet cute dog loved people so I think he was stolen because he was chipped and I paid $2500 for him so he was an expensive dog and pretty small compared to Samson nobody would steal Samson he was huge people would cross the street when they seen him but he was the sweetest dog ever his biggest problem was he was so big he could easily steal whatever food you had on the table and he would.

I was thinking about buying my moms a Frenchie puppy she lives downstairs from me all alone so I think the dog would do her some good, she says she does not want one but I know she will fall in love with it as soon as she see's it.

Learning a lot about my homies through this post. Fuck the political threads. 

In similar fashion, fuck what people think about what you bury your loved ones in. 

My brother was hit by the car wearing a bright green Twiztid jersey. He was cremated with a cheap ass Hatchet Man pendant and (if I recall) a Wraith shirt. At the funeral he was in full view (they managed to clean him up nice, as the back of his head was where he his the road) and wearing said clothes. Probably why I get so apprehensive when people question the relevance of this whole silly Juggalo thing. Means a lot to some of us, for better or worse. And it ain't silly.

The night before the funeral, my oldest brother brought me back to my dad's in the country after hitting up the bar. My mom, wife, dad and I think a few friends were with us. At some point I recall my brother taking me upstairs in the dark, November garage and trying to get me to sort through a plastic bag full of my other brother's clothes. I was flipping out about it and not wanting to face the reality so I started screaming. My brother yelled "please dont do this!" and then I took off down the steps and began running through the woods at about 1 am. I'm a very fast runner, and with all the beer and Southern Comfort in me, I was a cheetah. I truly believe that no human being had ever run faster lol. 

I dont rememeber after that. I dont know how long I ran up and down through those woods but my brother said I was trying to jump in the pond to kill myself. I have zero memory of that. 

bayAreaShaman said
My brother just died from getting hit by a car.  

Jesus christ man I'm so sorry. If you need to talk about it I'm here. 

this is a very depressing thread

I won't be reading it anymore

If u insist. I don't remember the last time I cried, but here's the difference between us, cunt. When my mom got hit by a tow truck when I was in my teens I wasn't running thru the woods making it all about me. I was bargaining with doctors to get her airlifted to a better hospital to get her leg amputated. That bitch is likely still alive cuz when a lazy doctor more interested in being in charge than right said amputation wasn't an option I calmly explained the name of the lawyer we had already retained who would make sure he never worked again if she wasn't moved to a place that was competent. That worked & her leg got amputated cuz I

And when my junkie scumfux friends kill themselves with drugs I'm sane enough to know I love them but respect their life choices. Oh, & Johnny Cash called & said y'all are some punk ass bitches.

YouTube Video Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut You Down

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with omd freaking out. Maybe his bro asking him to do it while drunk was a bad idea?

Every time someone dies it’s different for me. 

The hospital my brother died was so fucking good to him... 

His story, all of us, all the people there gave the hospital a really good impression of who Jeff was.. it fucked up the whole hospital.

the main doctor of the hospital I dunno how u say it took everything over. 

They raised a flag for him and gave a speech and it felt like the whole hospital came out to just be there. Nurses and doctors we never seen. It was very moving and amazing and crippling. It meant so much. I would post a picture on here but this place is so fuckin nasty and evil I would never fuckin put my babies on here.

Slumerican502 said
When you strip everything to the base we all have more in common than we don't. Its a shame everyone in the world is so caught up on their differences.

It's actually pretty fucking surprising any replies were made at all. Men are supposed to stuff everything deep into our brain and pretend like we don't have emotions. That's a shame too. Cuz yeah, everyone bleeds, everyone cries, and in the end we all fucking die alone.  

Fuck the whole not talking macho thing no?

This is the most I’ve talked about this shit with anybody but like two ppl. And not cuz I like It like that but cuz I fucked up and I developed some shit after my brother died where I can’t share my self with ppl anymore. What I feel gets so disrespected and stepped on something switched over and I’m super protective of it and can’t say shit. I freeze up. I just don’t think it matters but it matters to me. 

So talking is good. 

I have ppl I can talk to. My lil bro had different parents but he was more my family than my own blood sometimes. His dad was like my mentor dad and he got murdered almost 9 years ago. But what’s left of that beautiful family is very supportive and inviting. They’ve been through so much and they have been a real driving force in me keeping my strength and over all shit together so I can do the same for them. After all they need the support not me.

not reading nada 

but this song it's fucking sad a homie of mine is about to lose his mother and I made him listen to this video and all 500 pounds of him cried