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Fixing Shitty songs (Lucid Dreams)
April 30, 2019
7:56 pm
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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I break down songs a lot and try to see how they could be better, I do this because I think it makes me better at song writing, also I’m bored, so we’re gonna do this, so here, here’s how I think this song could have been changed to make the themes and structure stronger. 

Juice Wlrd – Lucid Dreams 

This song’s lyrics are trash, they feel like they’re unsuccessfully trying to be deep whilst just succumbing to what every heartbroken 14 year old has felt, and misusing terms that could have resonated pretty well. 

The first thing that is immediately noticeable is the bassline. While the clean guitar-esque parts are used okay, the bass just doesn’t fit this song, even just comparing it against those arpeggios being played at the same time its overpowering, it forces the listener to pay attention to either it or the lyrics, at least in a subtle way, body drop songs of all thing do something similar, but those are meant to be more aggressive, this is the complete opposite, the bass notes should have been held on longer and been in a different scale, trap music has many alternatives that would fit the songs tone much better. 

But that’s the most subjective part, some people love that kind of bassline in a sad song, so anyways, on to the real problem, those fucking lyrics

The first and most obvious thing that everyone points out is that it sounds like the guy doesn’t know what a lucid dream, a lucid dream is where you know you’re dreaming and so you can do whatever you want, and yet he says “I can’t move a thing” and that he just thinks about his ex during them, so yeah, it really sounds like he just didn’t know what a lucid dream was, but its possible that’s not the case, I can’t prove it was the original intent, but something there could have actually been pretty clever, lets change the word Can’t to Don’tusing don’t the entire dynamic changes, its not just a dream where he can’t move, it indicates that he CAN move, but he’s so numb and obsessed with this girl that instead he just lays there, thinking about her, even if he can do whatever he wants, he chooses to just stay still because he’s so heartbroken he has no motivation to do anything, by changing one word the entire dynamic would change, it would show a severity that is very telling, and most of all it would create an intrigue, it would make the listener think of the rest of the song in context of that pure numbness. 

Nextly, one of the more annoying elements, the verses leave in parts that don’t rhyme, to be fair it’s not too gratuitous, but it still breaks the flow in a minor way. And more importantly, it makes the relative speed of those parts feel unsatisfying, its not like its fast don’t get me wrong, or even faster than the rest of the song, but it is a lot of information being said, and when all this information is being given and has those extra lines that don’t rhyme, it feels lazy and unflowing. As I said though, it’s not THAT gratuitous so those lines could be left in, but the song is going for a deepish tone, and the more it sounds like you spent a long time on them the more the meaningful lines will feel meaningful. 

The next problem is that almost all the lines feel like repetitive Non-sequiturs they all more or less say the same thing, “i miss you and I can’t stop thinking about you” but he tries to use this wording that COULD lend itself to being clever, but then he does nothing with it. For example “I still see your shadows in my room” this is a decent line, when in his room all the can think of is his memories of when she was there. But what would have made the line feel MEANINGFUL instead of just there, would be referencing it elsewhere. Specifically this could be done to fix another Non-sequitur one of the more memorable lines is “It’s to the point where I love and I hate you And I cannot change you so I must replace you” This is yet again another decent line but nothing is done with it, the themes of anger towards her, and the desire to replace her are not addressed again. It would make that line more powerful if he talked about trying to move on with another girl, but he still sees “her shadows” so he can’t. That would tie it back to the other line, and continue the theme of that line. Also bear in mind the song STARTS with the shadows line, so it only makes sense to make it more of a theme. 

The whole song is filled with lines like these, lines that introduce a metaphor or idea, that aren’t used again, this would be fine in a some songs, in some songs it would be done this way to introduce as many ideas as possible, but that DOESN’T WORK in a repetitive song, in a song like this you want every line to support each other because they are all just going to be repeated. 

But perhaps the biggest example is the very title itself, I mentioned the poor wording of the line about lucid dreams, but even if it were worded correctly, while it would be a good line, it would still feel unsupported, but, it could mean a whole lot if at the END of the song he revisits the lucid dream setting, dedicating a verse to that dream, stating what it is he’s thinking, why he doesn’t move, and what he’s seeing. What he’s making himself see, and what he’s seeing on his own, this would give a genuine dive into his deepest thoughts, and could be very effective in meaning a lot because it would let us put the pieces together, it would let the listener go into an actual, and I hate to use this word, “deep” thought into what the implications of what he is thinking mean. 

Finally, just the all around shitty lines, for example. “you make my heart break, you make my heart ache” oh really, I would have never fucking guessed, you already had a reasonably strong way to show how broken you felt, you didn’t need to fucking say it, just saying it makes the imagery not work as well. Instead of just repeating those words, you could take that time to, yet again, flesh out the imagery used before. And save time for an aforementioned verse about the dream. 

Other shit lines include “You found another one, but I am the better one.” This line is yet another non-sequitur, and one that feels irrelivant, the new person she’s with doesn’t matter at all in the context of the song, what matters is the fact that he wishes he was still with him. Now, the fact that she has a new boyfriend is definitely something that should be pointed out, but it’s wasted like this, you know how I mentioned how the lines should tie back to one another, well, as I said, one of the most wasted lines is how he says he loves and hates her. This element is the perfect opportunity to expand on that anger, seeing your ex with someone else IS very angering, and he could have mentioned how it was making him hate the both of them. And also the original line just sounds so cringey, it doesn’t matter if you were better, when he states it like that it feels less like that’s how he’s thinking and (because he’s in charge of the narrative of the song) feels like he’s stating it to be fact, which has nothing to do with his emotions, it would have been much more effective to have a line about the anger it makes him feel when he sees them together. And he even could have referenced the shadows again if he wanted to. 

And then other lines (which is almost all of them so I won’t acknowledge each one) just feel so basic and bland, a lot of the lines don’t sound poetic at all, meanwhile many of the others are VERY CLEARLY trying to be. It feels like this song needed a shit ton more re-wrights and focus, they should have fleshed out all the symbols throughout the song, the reason being that it is so repetitive, repetition works better and better the more explored your ideas are, and the more you have to think about. That’s why people love system of a down despite how repetitive they are, because their lyrics give you so much to think about. And that’s what this song needed, something to think about, those themes and ideas it presents are just left there cold in the air. Currently, what it feels like, is he just jotted down the first things that sounded good that came to his head, rather than considering why those lines work.

Some lines feel like they’re trying so hard to be deep (the title of the song for instance) but they are never explored, making them, in the most self-explanatory sense, shallow, if you don’t explore an idea it will remain shallow no matter what. And the other lines are just too bland to actually do anything more than have your dumb ass audience go “yeah, I’ve thought that before” but what a song like this really needs is the why instead of the what. 

So yeah, that’s how I’d fix captain red pill’s song of blandness. Don’t feel like you have to read it, just putting it out there, and wondering anyone elses thoughts on the song.

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

April 30, 2019
8:44 pm
The Warlock
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My Lucid Dream song’s better..

I wrote & released it in 2014..

April 30, 2019
8:46 pm
The Warlock
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I refuse to listen to another song with the same title..

April 30, 2019
9:07 pm
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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The Warlock said
I refuse to listen to another song with the same title..  

Das a weeeeeeeeiiiiiird way of looking at it homie. 

 

(There’s a lot more songs called we are, I’m the biggest fan of that 3rd one, but I’m even less a fan of the others.)

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

April 30, 2019
9:07 pm
Drunkalo
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Hey Iris, maybe you can fix some of warlocks shitty songs. 

Yeah bitches, im that short gentleman mentioned in that youtube video.

And the very nice, level headed guy from that other youtube video.

April 30, 2019
9:11 pm
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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Drunkalo said
Hey Iris, maybe you can fix some of warlocks shitty songs.   

I’m not sure how to respond to this, I feel like Warlock did something that made me angry before, but not that I can remember, so, better to avoid another Karcalla Scruffy thing. (I still really wanna know if they actually confronted eachother) wait am I allowed to say that openly? Oh well. 

Image result for pot stirring gifImage Enlarger

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

April 30, 2019
11:15 pm
King Lucem Ferre
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I don’t think people listen to Juice Wlrd for deep meaning. I think it was Shek Wes who said something about how kids these days just don’t care about their music having a message or making them think because they are just looking for an emotional outlet during these unstable times. That’s him.

 

Essentially Twiztid’s Freek Show has the same problem. Great album but the worst lyrics of their entire career.

April 30, 2019
11:53 pm
The Warlock
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Iris The Tranny juggalette said

I’m not sure how to respond to this, I feel like Warlock did something that made me angry before, but not that I can remember,

was it when i “lynched” you after you asked to be??

 

Iris The Tranny juggalette said

Das a weeeeeeeeiiiiiird way of looking at it homie. 

(There’s a lot more songs called we are, I’m the biggest fan of that 3rd one, but I’m even less a fan of the others.)  

every song i’ve heard titled “All I Want” has been amazing.. i have a hard time listening to new ones in fear the stigma will be broken.. Lucid Dream is such a unique descriptive song title, i cant see anyone makin a better one than me..

April 30, 2019
11:55 pm
King Lucem Ferre
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You probably wouldn’t like it anyways.

May 1, 2019
12:24 am
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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King Lucem Ferre said
I don’t think people listen to Juice Wlrd for deep meaning. I think it was Shek Wes who said something about how kids these days just don’t care about their music having a message or making them think because they are just looking for an emotional outlet during these unstable times. That’s him.

 

Essentially Twiztid’s Freek Show has the same problem. Great album but the worst lyrics of their entire career.  

I see whatchya sayin, but I also happen to know Juice has a pretty sizable portion of his fan base that belongs here. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/im14andthisisdeep

I agree with you though, most of them are just looking for an emotional outlet, but, personally, I don’t see why he can’t do both.  What I was listing wouldn’t make the music more popular, I think it’d make it better, and by better, and (to me) what better means is A. more impactful, and B. something more to return to. That’s the mark of a good song, when you’re still coming back to it years later, and what it makes you feel as well, and songs that do MORE than they need to, that’s what people return to, the perfect example is The Beetles after the yellow submarine, they could have gotten away with doing the same vapid shit as everyone else (you can even argue some of their early work was the prelude of modern boy bands as some of the more cynical critic have pointed out) but they went above and beyond to make their work worth returning to. Pushing the envelope and giving something more than just some happy tune to listen to on the radio.

As for Freek Show, I think it’s a bit hit or miss, but that’s just my opinion on Twiztid in general. But holy shit We Don’t Die is amazing.

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

May 1, 2019
2:25 am
King Lucem Ferre
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Iris The Tranny juggalette said

I see whatchya sayin, but I also happen to know Juice has a pretty sizable portion of his fan base that belongs here. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/im14andthisisdeep

I agree with you though, most of them are just looking for an emotional outlet, but, personally, I don’t see why he can’t do both.  What I was listing wouldn’t make the music more popular, I think it’d make it better, and by better, and (to me) what better means is A. more impactful, and B. something more to return to. That’s the mark of a good song, when you’re still coming back to it years later, and what it makes you feel as well, and songs that do MORE than they need to, that’s what people return to, the perfect example is The Beetles after the yellow submarine, they could have gotten away with doing the same vapid shit as everyone else (you can even argue some of their early work was the prelude of modern boy bands as some of the more cynical critic have pointed out) but they went above and beyond to make their work worth returning to. Pushing the envelope and giving something more than just some happy tune to listen to on the radio.

As for Freek Show, I think it’s a bit hit or miss, but that’s just my opinion on Twiztid in general. But holy shit We Don’t Die is amazing.  

So you haven’t heard my break down on Fall Apart. (which is one of my favorite songs regardless)

The hook is the pinnacle of fake deep.

“I fall apart” Okay, so apparently he’s dealing with some kind of anxiety or mental anguish that puts him into an emotional breakdown.

“And I don’t know why.” That’s understandable, a lot of people don’t understand why they feel how they feel especially if it’s mental illness since most have a hard time understanding it.

“It’s all because” Wait, I thought you didn’t know why.

“We’re afraid to die” But the whole song previous to this one you were bragging about how you don’t die.

Whoop whoop King Lucem Ferre :

Iris The Tranny juggalette
May 1, 2019
2:52 am
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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King Lucem Ferre said

So you haven’t heard my break down on Fall Apart. (which is one of my favorite songs regardless)

The hook is the pinnacle of fake deep.

“I fall apart” Okay, so apparently he’s dealing with some kind of anxiety or mental anguish that puts him into an emotional breakdown.

“And I don’t know why.” That’s understandable, a lot of people don’t understand why they feel how they feel especially if it’s mental illness since most have a hard time understanding it.

“It’s all because” Wait, I thought you didn’t know why.

“We’re afraid to die” But the whole song previous to this one you were bragging about how you don’t die.  

Lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,

yeah that’s pretty damn fake deep.

Like wow, that guy is talking out is fucking ass, that is a fucking failure of lyricism  

Not as bad as some of the stuff on that subreddit, but, you know, those are like literal 14 year olds.

Fake deep is some of the best cringe you can find, its often so hard to watch/hear I can’t get through it all.

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

May 1, 2019
11:16 am
Pigg
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I’m still pissed that J says “pussy” instead of neden on “Cuss Words.”

 

Pussy and Neden are both two syllables. They would both fit in the song just fine. j saying pussy over and over again just made it sound so unlike an ICP song.

 

ICP’s music is fake deep as fuck all of the time. But they also drop some gems of wisdom from time to time.

 

The idea of breaking down songs is interesting. This could lead to some good discussion threads in the Psy and MNE forums imo.

May 1, 2019
12:40 pm
The Warlock
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Fall Apart is such a classic.. that beat & flow is on point af.. the lyrics arent that bad & they fit the song perfectly, making it a hype schizophrenic anthem..

maybe you just had to be there, when it came out in 2000..

May 1, 2019
2:15 pm
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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Pigg said
The idea of breaking down songs is interesting. This could lead to some good discussion threads in the Psy and MNE forums imo.  

Yeah that sounds like a good idea, not sure what song I’d do though. 

Does anyone know how to post things in the review section?
Nah fuck that, its a lot easier to talk on the normal threads lol.

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

May 2, 2019
1:15 am
King Lucem Ferre
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Iris The Tranny juggalette said

Lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,

yeah that’s pretty damn fake deep.

Like wow, that guy is talking out is fucking ass, that is a fucking failure of lyricism  

Not as bad as some of the stuff on that subreddit, but, you know, those are like literal 14 year olds.

Fake deep is some of the best cringe you can find, its often so hard to watch/hear I can’t get through it all.  

Man, I love this video so much because too many of my friends are the type of people to share these types of memes and I can’t stop rolling my eyes.

Whoop whoop King Lucem Ferre :

Iris The Tranny juggalette
May 2, 2019
10:44 am
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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King Lucem Ferre said

Man, I love this video so much because too many of my friends are the type of people to share these types of memes and I can’t stop rolling my eyes.  

Seriously if you haven’t taken a trip to this subreddit you’re doing yourself a disservice 

https://www.reddit.com/r/im14andthisisdeep/ 

This is where you can fiind aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalll of that.

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

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