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Horrible Christian Pop Music
March 19, 2019
5:56 pm
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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Kay so, there are these two christian radio stations in my area, one of them is called Air One, and the other one is called Klove, and they’re both hot trash, they make the other radio stations look like fucking gods compared to them, holy shit it’s the worst songs being made right now. And, because I still don’t have my fucking licence and even if I did I probably wouldn’t get to drive that often, I have to listen to these stations a lot, because it’s all my mom is listens to. Crappy christian pop and or christian pop rap.

These songs fall under the following categories.

The “Christians are oppressed” songs and or the crying about the current generation songs

The Faith + 1 songs (if you get that reference good on you) 

the pretend deep songs 

the mindless positivity songs

and the first world problems songs

The christians are oppressed songs are the most cringey out of all of them, these are songs like Jesus Freak and Guilty by the Newsboys that pretend that people actually care about the fact that people are christian, the first verse of that song guilty especially is hysterical (and it just occurred to me that that first verse is the only line with any substance to it, and it’s horrible) to me seeing as I am still in school and our choir’s song list is 70% christian songs, and because I have heard horrorstory after horrorstory after horrorstory of the exact fucking opposite of what these dipshits claim is reality happening to my fellow lgbt people. And those newsboys guys have even more cringey songs where they pretend that they are the ones fighting against society. Now, truth betold, I don’t know what the religious climate is in Australia where they’re from, but their census tells me they’re a little over 50% christian, so I highly doubt that it’s what they make it out to be. And in an american context it’s just laughable.

There’s also songs that contain people bitching about how “kids” block out christian messages. There’s a song called “alone” that has a hilarious mix of 3 of these categories, but one line in particular always stuck out to me as being immensely stupid, during a rap part from a rapper called “shiloh” I think, he says

“And, yep, I try to speak my mind but it don’t fly with them kids
Man if I’m not talking ’bout the newest Nikes or releases
They put the mute on me
I can’t speak about my Jesus?”

Which to me translates as: I tried to feed a bunch of teenage rap fans from christian propaganda, and they didn’t like it. Because Rap is filled with constant mentions of “god”, even though a great many of rappers refuse to stick directly to one denomination (like icp and Kanye), references to a god or religion is par for the course, and then there’s the story of Hopsin who said that he received a backlash when he turned agnostic. But nobody likes to be patronized with somebody’s religious views, the reason Ill Mind 7 works so well is that he’s not trying to change anyone’s mind or convince anyone of anything, the lyrics are a list of observations and questions, and also it’s written beyond fucking perfect, but these people seem to think that the lyrical equivalent of a Jehova’s witness coming to your door should just be received perfectly and if not it’s because rap fans are evil. 

That song also falls under the Faith + 1 category, if you didn’t get the reference it’s a joke about a south park episode where Cartman starts a christian band and the way he writes the lyrics is by taking love songs and just replacing the word girl with god, and that joke works flawlessly because, yeah that’s the jist of it. There were so many of these songs that start and the only reason I know it’s about god is because of the station its on, and because it says the word jesus 2 times. And hilariously those radio stations I mentioned aren’t above literally playing a love song, they admitted a few times to playing songs not written for religious purposes at all, but pretend that the person the singer is talking about is god. 

Then there’s the pretend deep songs, that like to act like they’re the most important thing ever, well, maybe that’s not fair, the songs are pretty fucking pretentious, but not that bad, it’s the radio station that propels it into being fucking unbearable, those radio stations, especially Klove, are CONVINCED that they are doing the “lords work” with how amazing their message is,

and will spend elongated periods of the time to just revel in how damn great they are and how important their music is. And they’ll constantly parot stories of their viewers saying how they saved their life or some shit, which sounds impressive, until you remember that basically every content creator ever has gotten this message, I mean that, everyone, there’s a comedy music youtuber named Stevie T, who makes comedic metal stuff, and he divides people because of how akward and often annoying he is, but said it doesn’t bother him because he was people write him saying that his videos “saved their lives” because of how funny they are everyone ever has gotten that message, it doesn’t impress me and it shouldn’t impress you.

But these artists and casters are convinced that they’re music is the most important and poignant shit in the world, it’s not, it’s just as vapid as all the rest of the shit on the radio. Probably a little more vapid because those other songs can’t get away with being meaningless nearly as much. I actually hear all the time people talk about how they like music that “means something” I like songs that mean something too, I used to have a playlist of them, typically rock, that I would just zone out to and think about shit for a bit. And the thing about almost all of those songs is that they are NOT RELATABLE to most people, meanwhile christian music is based primarily around being as mindnumbingly relatable as they can be so that they can “reach people” like, most things that are big issues are not applying to you right now in the first world, and even the ones that are, these songs are too afraid to go near. They’re definition of deep and meaningful is, “I had a lack of purpose, then I found god, that’s all”. The only song that’s seemed like it was really trying to mean something was called bleed the same by Mandisa, and even that is so safe and inoffensive there’s just nothing to say about it, I’d best compare it to Go to War by Nothing More, only the difference is go to war is more specifically about politics or other issues ruining a relationship, and is also a million times better. But the radio likes to play that song up like it’s the most poignant song in the fucking world, it’s not, you pointed out an issue exists good job. 

All of this is a huge disappointment because if there was ANYTHING I would think christian music artists could do right it’s big songs about important issues, but there’s just nothing. Have any of these artists been to like, idk fucking Africa, isn’t that the stereotype for a missionary? Write a song about that shit, please, anything but more stories about how “god saved you” 

There also seems to be a super re-occurring theme of how the artist was “where you are now” always talking about how they used to be in these lives of sin but that god made it all good, give me a break, yet again this is aimed at the broadest demographic possible so it doesn’t go anywhere near an issue that could actually qualify as a “life of sin”. 

Then there’s just the mindless positivity, this is like 53% of all of them, just happy songs about being happy and saying that god is the reason, mentioning a few bad things in the beginning just so they can say it’s okay because god, that’s the whole song. I guess it’d be hypocritical to hate something just for being happy, but fuck that I hate it for being happy, it’s the epitome of vapid, even comparing it to just a song about having sex and partying, at least that stuff is exciting, not just saying “happy cause god” and talking about the most mundane things ever.

And those songs are tied with the last annoying shit songs which are the first world problem songs, songs about how gosh darn hard it is to be a middle class white person with a normal job and a normal mental state (which is hilarious when you consider the fact that most of these artists are rich as fuck and don’t have any of these problems, something that also makes a lot of country songs so laughable). The best example would be Breath by Jonny Diaz. Their definition of a hard day is needing 3 cups of coffee and not having enough time to do something you enjoy, I mean, yeah that sucks, but he follows that with mentioning he “only has time for me me me” it would suck if he had time for fucking nothing like some people do, but he has time for something apparently, and spends it on himself, claiming it’s all he has time for, which I’m gonna call bullshit on, nothing about a time constraint makes you only able to spend your time on yourself. You get what I mean though, people whose literal only problem in life is stress complaining about stress. I make fun of country music a lot, but at least country music talks about things that really do hurt and are actually difficult, instead of just, “man work is stressful”. Compare “man work is stressful” to like 90% of rock, rap, and even country songs, and it’s just not a compelling conflict. Imagine making a movie about “man work is stressful” and that’s it, that’d be the most boring fucking film ever made, and that’s these songs, songs need something compelling to be about, something to get emotional about, no matter what that emotion is, these just come out as dull when compared to like fucking anything, because there’s no big issue or problem, just “work is stressful” that’s the whole issue. That is LITERALLY the definition of mundane, nothing about it is interesting and it doesn’t bring about strong emotions because there’s nothing to have strong emotions for.

The point I’m trying to make, is, no point, I just wanted to rant, fuck this music. I’m not trying to say it’s bad that people like it, I don’t care if people like it, I only care that it sucks because I’m forced to listen to it all the time. Merry fucking hatsmas my goblins.

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

March 19, 2019
6:11 pm
krunk
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Behold the Jesus cringe to end all cringe:

YouTube Video Rappin’ for Jesus

Whoop whoop krunk :

Iris The Tranny juggalette

krunk.gif

March 19, 2019
6:18 pm
Old Mr Dangerous
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Used to ride in a truck all day with this preacher who would play the Christian stations. This one I will never forget.

March 19, 2019
6:19 pm
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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krunkazphuk said
Behold the Jesus cringe to end all cringe:

YouTube Video Rappin’ for Jesus  

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

“THAT’S CAUSE JESUS CHRIST IS MAH NIGGA,”

THAT JUST MADE MY DAY, HOLY SHIT.

This is the true Room of music, fuck what I said before, this is it.

It’s not even cringey to me, it’s just hilarious, they HAD to have known that this was just stupid, there’s no way they didn’t know what they were doing. 

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

March 19, 2019
6:20 pm
Old Mr Dangerous
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And these..

March 19, 2019
6:32 pm
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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That Choir piece isn’t that bad, it was just mindnumbingly dull. There’s a lot of great choir pieces that have to do with Christianity, that’s not one of them, but they’re out there. All of this is now reminding me of the painful shit that I’ve heard that aren’t on those stations.

if you’ve never seen all of the music the westboro bapstist church has made I’ve heard all of it a lot because it’s become a total meme in the lgbt community, kind of like what dark dungeons was among d&d players when it came out (if you don’t know what that is, , thank me later, something so ridiculous that you can just point and laugh and say “wow, the people that hate us are fucking retarded” it’s just funny how stupid people are. It got removed off youtube, but the big meme that I’ve heard played regularly and often was called you like sin what a tragedy.

Christian song parodies in general are just perfectly horrible 

 

and there’s also a bunch of other rap songs I can’t find atm that are just entirely about homophobia. But yeah, I forgot how fun these are to make fun of.

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

March 19, 2019
7:22 pm
Pigg
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My mom listened to nothing but KLOVE growing up. Most of it is straight garbage. The problem is they can tell to their base because of their “message”, not their talent.

 

That being said, I still jam out to some Christian songs to this day. Old Newsboys we’re pretty decent, and Relient K was fucking fresh.

 

Thousand Foot Krutch was good too.

 

There was some Christan ska group I bumped too.

 

Bonus: here’s some pretty dope Christian rap my homeschooled cousins listened to.

 

March 19, 2019
8:36 pm
Drunkalo
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I was born and raised catholic. From baptism thru confirmation. Then mom decided it was time to try Christianity. She was bored with Catholicism. I followed along and she started listening to a lot of this stuff. So much that i knew a few songs and turned the radio up when a few came on. The songs make sense and are really catchy if thats the headspace that your in.

This is a good Thousand Foot Krutch song.

Whoop whoop Drunkalo :

Iris The Tranny juggalette

Yeah bitches, im that short gentleman mentioned in that youtube video.

And the very nice, level headed guy from that other youtube video.

March 19, 2019
8:51 pm
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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Drunkalo said
I was born and raised catholic. From baptism thru confirmation. Then mom decided it was time to try Christianity. She was bored with Catholicism. I followed along and she started listening to a lot of this stuff. So much that i knew a few songs and turned the radio up when a few came on. The songs make sense and are really catchy if thats the headspace that your in.

This is a good Thousand Foot Krutch song.

  

Those guys are pretty good, I’ve heard them played on one of those two stations before and it was a pleasant surprise.

The other one that is good that I’ve heard them play is Skillet, a lot of metalheads make fun of Skillet, but that’s more about making fun of  hard rock fans, Skillet is a perfect example of what these bands should be, they’re not just a gimmick band, they actually do try, and what sets them apart the most hard rock isn’t religious lyrics but instead their actual fucking composition (and that damn violin). Because of this, they accomplish the goal that these songs have 1,000,000 times better than the others ever will because they’ve built a fan base of non-Christians, who could potentially convert. But the radio only ever plays their pandering bullshit songs, so, guess it doesn’t matter.

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

March 19, 2019
8:55 pm
Drunkalo
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POD was, i believe to be a christian band but one of the members wouldnt convert. I remember ‘hearing’ something along those lines before. Cant say if its fact or not.

Btw, happy birthday

Edit: Skillet i know the name but could name a single song.

Yeah bitches, im that short gentleman mentioned in that youtube video.

And the very nice, level headed guy from that other youtube video.

March 19, 2019
9:13 pm
Iris The Tranny juggalette
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Drunkalo said
POD was, i believe to be a christian band but one of the members wouldnt convert. I remember ‘hearing’ something along those lines before. Cant say if its fact or not.

Btw, happy birthday

Edit: Skillet i know the name but could name a single song.  

aww thanks.

And if anyone is looking for good christian metal. Here ya go.

I see no difference between a corpse and a sex toy

March 20, 2019
12:16 pm
TheRevWells
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Iris The Tranny juggalette said

aww thanks.

And if anyone is looking for good christian metal. Here ya go.

  

here are some others you may like Iris

That is just the tip of iceberg of the Christian stuff I listen to.  If you need recommendations, ask me.  That is mainly all I post in the What I Am Listening To section

Runnin' Out Of Time / Looking For The Light / Something Isnt Right / The Devil's Grip Is Tight / Cause I'm Runnin' Out Of Time / Leave It All Behind / If My Soul Was On The Line / Can My Body Hide / From The Devil Inside

March 20, 2019
12:18 pm
TheRevWells
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Drunkalo said
POD was, i believe to be a christian band but one of the members wouldnt convert. I remember ‘hearing’ something along those lines before. Cant say if its fact or not.

Btw, happy birthday

Edit: Skillet i know the name but could name a single song.  

nope.  they are all Christian, but Marcos left the group for a bit and went down a different path for a while, but then eventually, patched everything up with the guys and came back.  The best POD stuff, in my opinion, is off their album Brown.  Here is a great track

Another great band that put out a few albums but did not get much traction is EDL.  

Whoop whoop TheRevWells :

Drunkalo

Runnin' Out Of Time / Looking For The Light / Something Isnt Right / The Devil's Grip Is Tight / Cause I'm Runnin' Out Of Time / Leave It All Behind / If My Soul Was On The Line / Can My Body Hide / From The Devil Inside

March 20, 2019
12:20 pm
TheRevWells
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Iris The Tranny juggalette said

Those guys are pretty good, I’ve heard them played on one of those two stations before and it was a pleasant surprise.

The other one that is good that I’ve heard them play is Skillet, a lot of metalheads make fun of Skillet, but that’s more about making fun of  hard rock fans, Skillet is a perfect example of what these bands should be, they’re not just a gimmick band, they actually do try, and what sets them apart the most hard rock isn’t religious lyrics but instead their actual fucking composition (and that damn violin). Because of this, they accomplish the goal that these songs have 1,000,000 times better than the others ever will because they’ve built a fan base of non-Christians, who could potentially convert. But the radio only ever plays their pandering bullshit songs, so, guess it doesn’t matter.  

Check out their very first album they did once they got signed to a label.  Here is a track off of it

Also, you may like this group These 5 Down.  They only put out 2 albums but are working on their 3rd.  Here is my favorite track by them 

Runnin' Out Of Time / Looking For The Light / Something Isnt Right / The Devil's Grip Is Tight / Cause I'm Runnin' Out Of Time / Leave It All Behind / If My Soul Was On The Line / Can My Body Hide / From The Devil Inside

March 20, 2019
12:24 pm
TheRevWells
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Now if you are into Christian rap or havent heard any good artists before, check out the ones below

There is so much more out there.  Reach Records, Humble Beast, etc

Regarding Skillet…..ugh.  The last album they did, Unleashed, in my opinion, was not good at all.  They have tried so many different styles of their sound over the years ever since they came out in 1995/96 with their first album that was self titled.  I hope on their next one, they change up the sound again, but who knows.  This is MY favorite era of Skillet – the Collide album

Here is another fun era of Skillet – much more electronic mixed with the rock sound they do

And here is where it all started at with Skillet.  From their self-titled album, here is the track Gasoline

Runnin' Out Of Time / Looking For The Light / Something Isnt Right / The Devil's Grip Is Tight / Cause I'm Runnin' Out Of Time / Leave It All Behind / If My Soul Was On The Line / Can My Body Hide / From The Devil Inside

March 22, 2019
2:07 pm
TheRevWells
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Pigg said
My mom listened to nothing but KLOVE growing up. Most of it is straight garbage. The problem is they can tell to their base because of their “message”, not their talent.

 

That being said, I still jam out to some Christian songs to this day. Old Newsboys we’re pretty decent, and Relient K was fucking fresh.

 

Thousand Foot Krutch was good too.

 

There was some Christan ska group I bumped too.

 

Bonus: here’s some pretty dope Christian rap my homeschooled cousins listened to.

 

  

In regards to the Christian Ska…..i bet it was either The Supertones or Five Iron Frenzy.  Those were the 2 biggest ones in that genre

Runnin' Out Of Time / Looking For The Light / Something Isnt Right / The Devil's Grip Is Tight / Cause I'm Runnin' Out Of Time / Leave It All Behind / If My Soul Was On The Line / Can My Body Hide / From The Devil Inside

March 26, 2020
9:58 am
krunk
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krunkazphuk said
Behold the Jesus cringe to end all cringe:

YouTube Video Rappin’ for Jesus  

Iris The Tranny juggalette said

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

“THAT’S CAUSE JESUS CHRIST IS MAH NIGGA,”

THAT JUST MADE MY DAY, HOLY SHIT.

This is the true Room of music, fuck what I said before, this is it.

It’s not even cringey to me, it’s just hilarious, they HAD to have known that this was just stupid, there’s no way they didn’t know what they were doing.   

Bump. lol

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