wow a chick said, [in a seperate, similar thread, included here for the sake of completionism]:

“I don't normally post on Faygoluvers, but when I do…the women, zay love eet. But I no love them back.”

“I don't normally call Scottie D. at his place of employment, but when I do…he fronts like he's too busy so he has time compose himself and stop his voice from cracking.” (Sup with that, Scottie? ;)

“I don't normally record a concept record about 1920s bank robbers, but when I do…ninjas start rocking fedora pimp caps with the old-english D and titty chants evolve into 'lemmi see them gams, dollface.'”

scruffy said, here, in this post:

jumpsteady carries the weight of the world on his shoulders.  and by that i mean, the entire global supply of cocaine. 

jump once told a young spiderman that with great power comes great responsibilty.  then he beat the bug juice out of him for no fuckin reason.

sorry, couldnt come up with three more that quickly.

jump learned his sword technique from katsushiro.  katsushiro learned everything else from jump.

jumpsteady has a ventriloquists dummy, named violent j. 

he cooked the loch ness monster on a spit. 

why did jumpsteady cross the road?  to kick my ass for second-guessing his motives. 

jumpsteady was the first person to swim solo across the atlantic. 

he was also the first to cross the english channel.  walking. 

jumpsteady invented fire.  i dont mean, 'discovered fire', some caveman did that.  jump invented it. 

Slumerican502 said:

Slumerican502 said on the bottom of page 1

Jumpsteady didn't discover fire, he invented it

I believe I may have a lawsuit on my hands here….You,sir, will be hearing from my lawyer. I got him from an ad on tv so you know he is legit

yeah, you fuckin got me!  cold. 

ill settle out of court, you can have half my income for the next five minutes.

ive been waiting for that to happen since this thing started…  and i havent been as diligent lately about checking back on the previous ones.  lesson learned. 

still, ill probably fuck it up again.  its inevitable, we gotta be up to, what, 250 or so?

jumpsteady catches fireflies and keeps them in a jar on his dresser.  people, too. 

according to the heisenberg uncertainty principle, magnets only work because jumpsteady wants them to. 

jump does ribbon cutting ceremonies.  he cuts the ribbon with a ninja star thrown during the plane ride home. 

everyone named robert owes jumpsteady royalties.

jumpsteady won a rally in a matchbox car.  

he captured a grey whale using bolas. 

most of these jumpsteady jokes fall way short of the truth. 

[edit]  264, by my count. 

jump won the nobel prize for literature, for a couple of tweets.  the committee also awarded him the physics and peace prizes, but he didnt do anything for them, he just wanted a set. 

jumpsteady brushes his teeth with ambrosia.

his current form was assembled in a detroit factory out of spare parts from dead juggalos. 

actually, you can make your own jumpsteady at home!  simply take a hundred pounds of the finest weed and a solid gold skeleton, mail them to me, and ill send you the kit.

okay… the last one doesnt count.

if you turn off the lights and read this entire thread aloud, it will summon jumpsteady. 

jumpsteady doesnt use drugs, but he has been known to binge on freshness. 

jumpsteady hit a dog with his car.  i honestly didnt think he could throw it that far.