One time my step brother brought this chick home from a date along with a fresh bottle of henny. As soon as they walked in she said, this is your step brother? I've had a crush on  you since 7th grade. I'm like ye. Anyways we get drunk the 3 of us and he puts a blanket over his head and proceeds to go down on her. I look at her an she's giving me these fuk me eyes and she opens her mouth. Ok! I pull it out and feed it to her. She was very skilled. My step brother gets pissed his date is woofin my cock down and jumps up. Says, fuk you and your big dick whores! Bwahaha! I fukked the shit out that chick. She lemme finish in her mouth. We dated about 6 months. Her mom sold kb. Every morning for 6 months, after her mom left for work, I'd show up smoke some bomb and get head.....I kinda feel bad but I sorta saved him from clamita and ghonneriea. 

You know re reading this thread just reminds me how fake as fuck Warlock was and how much I don't miss him.  I hadn't thought of dude for a grip but FML he was dense and completely retarded.  @frog  is real as mother fuck and calling him a bullshitter is even more laughable now that I've kicked it with Frog...he has no other mode then real imo...funny shit.

Hmmm..lets see..

Okay, when i first met my now fiance 7 years ago he still lived with his mother, which was fine and dandy as his mother was quite ill!. So one day i came over on my way back from town, bearing in mind this is the first time we'd ever slept together (I didn't give it up easy back in the day lol!) on the way there we'd been texting some pretty steamy things back and forth to one another..My neden was definitely ready for a good pounding out thats for sure!

When i arrived, his mother was sleeping..So we crept into the upstairs bedroom!, Kissing, stripping each other butt naked..Sucking his dick, and then when he was balls deep in me, we both forgot to close the door caught up in the moment of love..That we didn't even see or hear his mother come waltzing into the room (poor old girl had dementia so she was often confused), so he's banging me stupid, we're both moaning and suddenly "Ian, have you seen my remote..." I tell you we both jumped 100 foot in the air..

She then realised what was happening went a little bit red, and scuffled quickly out of the room..Mood officially killed!..We didn't want to get down after that, thats for sure!..Not until we we're sure she was dead asleep!..How embarrassing!

TheFvckinKreeper said
^reading "My neden was definitely ready for a good pounding out thats for sure!" in that fresh-ass Crumpet accent I got going on in my head made my fucking day. I needed that laugh.

I suppose I have stories...but most of them are pretty gross. Show of hands and I might tell.  

Well, im glad i could provide you with that much needed laugh! (even if it was at my expense!)

I so want to hear the story!, since you we're laughing at me..Thats the least ya' could do! *Raises hand!*

Well, with the whoops I guess that makes three. I suppose that's good enough. The following is a true story. The names have been omitted to protect my dignity.

Many moons ago I began casually seeing a friend of mine. We had hooked up previously years before, but it was a short lived affair. I was in a bad situation with a live-in ex at the time, so I ought to have known that this was a doomed situation going in. We were young; she younger than I, and quickly approaching that dangerous territory where feelings were beginning to develop between two people too immature to reconcile such heavy emotions.

Then she tells me she slept with someone else. Fair enough. We never said that we were exclusive. Thing is though, being friends for years before this sordid mess and hearing of her various interpersonal follies made me recognize exactly what she was up to. Things were getting serious and she had a fear of intimacy, so she did some hoe shit hoping that it would scare me off. It didn't, but I also told her that if she wasn't going to commit then I wouldn't either, and whatever thing we had going on would implode on itself. 

Using sex as emotional chess pieces should have been red flag number two that this wasn't going to work. But this story isn't about her, it's about the play I made to make her jealous. It inevitably worked, for what its worth, because when she found out I had slept with someone else she was much keener on the idea of us being exclusive to one another. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

A week of so after her little confessional I'm out with the crew. By out I mean we were riding around swigging bottom shelf hooch til the early AM. We ended up back at my boy's house where another bottle awaited. The girl that was with us this night was...let's say... not conventionally attractive. But she seemed to like me and in my liquored up mind kissing and telling with this broad who had no association with the other girl would make me seem pimp enough that it would draw out the jealousy and possessiveness of the one I actually desired. I conveniently left out the more gruesome details of this one night stand when I told her about it though.

The sun was coming up by the time me and this other girl ended up fucking. She had some kinda medical problem, polycystic ovarian something, which made her hormones all screwy. The result was that she had real strange weight distribution and was furry for a woman. I thought I could get past it, being no stranger to dating Italian chicks. But this was different. She had chin stubble. Like dude stubble. Her tits didn't seem that bad in her bra, but bared they had long, dark nipples like the well-worn cap of a baby bottle. Her clit was also uncommonly large, hanging out of her neden lips like a pinky caught in a door jamb. The event sort of came together as something beyond a bad idea into a full blown regrettable decision. Yet somehow, in the face of my poor life choices and my fighteningly staggering disregard for aesthetic sense, my penis persevered. We fucked. The sex itself was strange, not like any I had before or since, and not in a good way. Like the bonafide scumbag I am, the first words out of my mouth post coitus were "Yeah.... we probably shouldn't have done that..." It made for an awkward waking up that evening. She did run and tell her friends I was a good lay, and seemed to genuinely enjoy it, so that made me a feel a little bit better about myself. 

As I said before, after I relayed the abridged version of events to the girl I coveted we both agreed to be exclusive. That whole situation was it's own spectacular hot mess that went up in flames (my fault, really), but I wager that I truly did love her in some capacity to go though all that I did to provoke her emotionally. We remain friends to this day, and only this past New Years did I tell her the full story of what happened. Likewise she told me the full story of when she hooked up with that other guy. Just as I had suspected, she was trying to scare me off, and her story was equally cringey as my own sexual misstep.

Life's funny that way.

"But I've dated Italian girls before" fuckin kreeper, man.

My prom date let me bang her in every position!! I felt like I was living out american pie ?  

That was 8 years and 2 kids ago...? haha

Vid related. Now that you've teased it, you fools better come with your best turd fishing stories.